There's a certain song finding its way from my iTunes to my crying alley, which now lives in my soul and my mind's eye. And after remembering why the song "The Guitar Man" sounds so familiar, is because it's familiar with another sad disparic song, "The Goodbye Girl". Songs of walking uphill all by yourself. I'm sure most people acquaint Bread's music with love songs, i too had unthought at that time, the soul of singers/writers. There's something that i'm really feeling now and it kind of frightens me now, going back to the tiger stripped cat story. The story of the guitar man is sad, for a buck he sings his song and pours all he has into it, but has no place to call home really, "somethin keeps him goin, miles and miles a day to find another place to play." You get every mournful spoonfull with the song that reminds you that you have a warm home to come home to. As i've said, the world outside your door is a diffrent world, you can examine it from your window, but you can't see how far the dark goes.

I've spent sometime last night staring into the hole of night, just outside my door, the city lights and sounds remind me of being in my places, the places i never share with anyone, but for the sake of post...There is this place where the cold night air sweeps through elevator lobbys in the ghetto. i wasn't alone, but i spent that moment waiting for the elevator with my parents at age 6 gorging myself on that sadness. I know i'm different and special, and dark, i have all of these evidences that darkness has been a part of my life. It's funny my mom mentioned once that i remind her of Benji. Always comfortable at a rooms size but never really a part of it, looking for my way out.

I've been trying to get Cherie to drive us around late at night or early in the morning, a reconnection with lanes of nothingness. My dreams are paper boats, sinking and floating but still filling the seas with such detail, Yesterday's was very mixed up, as most dreams are, some tend to finish themselves like a book, but many are all over the place like a full room of conversations. But this will blow your mind, i was aware and remembered the time in my dream, 12:16. Who dreams and can remmber seeing a clock that lets them remember the time as you exit sleep? I think all of you that live a normal life, well you know what i mean, why do you keep playing it by ear in the sense that you never observe your own minds power. Too busy?

                                                         See You Space Cowboy...