Hey folks, sorry i've fell out of regular posting, 9 to 5 pushes & pulls you, ya know? I've been working on some posts though, just scooping up a wet hard pile so i can roll it down the snow hill. It's hard to become emotional about this post, so i wont try because the object of it was flung across ill timing and space of time... My father died


I was at work on my second break when i called my Mom for something, which i can't remember now, and her tone of voice drops, in a easily readable tone of ominousness. She said "Your sperm donor died." Knowing what she meant i immediately thought of that post i'd written and reposted "Heaven Is  A Bar". She said he died a week and a half previous to me knowing. He died alone of a massive heart attack, he was 70 years old. My heart just fell and i felt odd just the same, i mean even though he was never there for me, and we did spend about 6 months getting to know each other when i was in my 20's there's a breakable string attached to me and this man that still manages to hold together.

I never cried... i don't know if the reason was because if there was a statute of limitations on cry time, or because it never struck me that hard, but driving out to Wichendon, i was tempted to play songs on my iPod like "Old Man" from Neil Young, "Cats In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin and "What will You Say?" by Jeff Buckley. And i almost broke..... the odd thing about crying is you don't want to, and when you are, you don't want to stop. I was fragile though, and i think about that bar, and how in that dream, my mother almost hit me with the car unexpectedly, and how she hit me with the news, unexpectedly.....

by the way that reposted post can be found in Revived Post [3 of ?]

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