We typically know what we're doing, who we are and where we belong, but when you realize where you are isn't where you belong, you become lost in many ways, even lost within yourself. Before Christmas i had a drink with a couple of guys, i was invited. It felt like i was a kid again, and in that aspect also, i was lost. Understand that this has nothing to do with resisting change, it's all about who you are in your comfort zone. As i drank, tanked and clanked our bottles together, i really felt like i belonged, but as i looked into the review mirror of the van i was in, i saw someone who was lost. An expression i'm all to familiar with. It's like youy're split in two, one you is at the top of a snowy mountain cutting the rope that releases large boulders down the hill towards the other you at the bottom.

This uncertainty makes you anxious and jumpy, ready to bolt when you get the chance, when i said i was leaving they said to wait till they're done. I kinna thought oh shit, and refrained from loking at myself in the mirror again, yet i did, trying to toughen up my image to myself.

Monday morning i had a thought that awoke me with discomfort, if you read back at the previous and old posts, i always talk about two me's, in the physical and metaphysical sense. I always seem to think that that the other me is the evil, or wild and unchained me. And people all the time say hey i remember you, and peg me to somewhere i've never been before.  So in a way he thwarts my virgin appearance , which led me to believe that yes, he is the evil me. But the thought that proded at me was, what if he too has a family, and in his eyes, mind and heart i am the Hyde to his Jekyll.

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